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Anything is possible, but things worth having never come easy.
First, let’s see what got you in the friendzone — did you get there because she’s genuinely not attracted to you or did you simp around until she put you there?
A lot of times women may be attracted to men in the beginning but these men end up behaving like apes and ruin every bit of chemistry that might have sparked between the two.
Another possibility is for attraction to happen later, as a result of peeling the onion of the other’s character and getting to know each other better. Who knows what kind of gem she will find inside you, something that you’ve been hiding as shameful, but she might find absolutely endearing.
There are also times when no matter what you do she just won’t be attracted to you. Please always consider that as a possibility.
But if you really like her, why not give it a fair shot?
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However, I must warn you from the very beginning: a fair shot is not insisting, pestering, chasing, stalking. No love has ever come from being annoying and restraining orders only turn to marital bliss in badly written smut books.
Here are a few steps that will give you the chance to get out of the friendzone and land in her arms.
Maintain a bit of mystery and distance.
Familiarity breeds contempt. And contempt has nothing in common with a hot love life. Quite the contrary. Once she knows you well enough, she’ll discover you pick your nose and leave your dirty underwear on the floor, just like her ex-boyfriend used to do.
Things like these are a huge turn-off if there isn’t a strong sexual attraction that you start from. And there isn’t, otherwise, we wouldn’t be having this conversation.
At the beginning of any relationship, no matter how close you might feel to somebody, don’t be too familiar with them. A bit of mystery and distance goes a long way.
This works even if you’ve already been friend-zoned, or you have professed your love for her.
If you choose to stay in her life although you know you see her as a sexual and romantic interest, but she only sees you as a friend, make sure you tackle the situation from a more relaxed and indifferent perspective.
You might have been friend-zoned, but that doesn’t mean you should become her best friend. Don’t always be around, don’t put your soul on a silver platter for her to tear apart, and don’t tell her every little detail of your life.
First of all, she already knows how you feel. Second of all, just because you feel a certain way today, doesn’t mean it’s forever, and it certainly isn’t a capital sin.
It’s not the end of the world, you’re into her and she’s not into you. It’s only a big deal if you make it into one.
Just keep going and don’t be such an open book from the beginning. This is not about playing games and hiding, it’s about not behaving like you’re in a relationship with her while she isn’t in one with you. It’s also about taking care of yourself and your feelings — you’re in a vulnerable state and easily hurt. Protect yourself, but do it gently, not aggressively.
If there is any possibility of her falling for you, the gentle mystery is a huge turn-on for women.
Confidence.
I’m sorry to be pestering you with this dreaded confidence talk, but have you got any idea how much women love confidence? You do, I know you do.
Here’s why confidence is so important, especially in this situation.
Women are constantly bombarded by male attention and surrounded by men who want a piece of them, men who look at women to give meaning to their lives.
That attitude is the opposite of confidence and that’s why it’s so difficult for a lot of men (especially younger men) to get close to women.
Women are turned off by men who are desperate for their love and attention. That needy attitude is natural between a child and mother, but a huge turn-off between adults.
The opposite of that is confidence. Confidence is not the result of being better than anyone, but of knowing that you’re not dependent on anyone.
Even if the love of your life rejects you, you’ll eventually be fine. That’s the basis of confidence.
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And when you apply it to real life and love it looks like this: you like a woman, you’re attracted to her, you’re not ashamed of it, and you’re not destroyed by it.
She would be a wonderful contribution to your existence (and vice versa), but she doesn’t define your existence.
Real confidence stems from maturity and experience. When you’ve been rejected enough times and you see it doesn’t kill you, you’ll be confident enough to go through it one more time.
Eventually, one of them will stick. Confident people know that.
Choose other people and activities.
If you’ve been rejected (and the friendzone is a rejection of the romantic and sexual part of you, but not of you in your entirety), you will need to stop waiting around hoping for her to change her mind about wanting you in that way.
Start seeing other people. Start seeing other people for everything: fun, sex, love, eating ice cream in the park, driving around aimlessly at 3 AM.
What a lot of men don’t understand about women is how women see friends.
If she told you she only sees you as a friend, it means she sees you as a friend like you see another man as only a friend. She doesn’t see you like you see a woman friend. She is not attracted to you, nor will she be attracted to you through your mere presence.
The misconception comes from the fact that most men are physically attracted to most women, and even if he isn’t attracted to her as a person, he still is attracted to her sexually, and even if he’s never thought about her that way, the moment she bends over to pick some lint off the floor, that’s it — he’s attracted to her!
Men believe women’s sexuality functions like theirs. Not in the least, guys! Women don’t work that way.
But they do work this way: if she sees you have self-esteem and are not dependent on her, she might consider you as an equal partner and might start treating you like one.
A person who has self-respect will fill his life with people and activities that bring him joy and help him grow as a person. Not with her exclusively, when she hasn’t even expressed the slightest interest.
That’s what she wants to see in you: independence.
Independence is the main tool at your disposal to get out of the friendzone.
If a corporation’s most valuable asset is people, maybe it’s time to support leaders who have communal skills, regardless of their gender.